In introducing this blog, I wrote that, especially in the realm of caring for one's elderlyl parents, it's important to bring into play your own wealth of experience in life, your intelligence and your intuition. It strikes me this deserves some elaboration.
When I say that each one of us is an expert, I don't mean that fatuously. I'm not claiming that we have more medical knowledge than a doctor, or more legal knowledge than an attorney. Obviously, they are the experts in their field. But each one of us is the expert in knowing what's right for our family, for us, for our geriatric parents.
In my opinion, we've gotten too used to relying on professional "experts", those with a special degree, an impressive title, or "consultant" after their name, to tell us what to do. It calms us to think that Dr. So-and-so has declared the best course of action and all we have to do is follow it.
It makes us complacent: the big decision is theirs, not ours.
But think about it. Doing just what the expert says without evaluating it thoughtfully against your own criteria for the decision, is really an abdication of responsibility. It takes the responsibility for the outcome of that decision off your shoulders and puts it on the shoulders of the expert. If you do things this way, next time a decision needs to be made, you'll be no stronger, no better able to make that decision. The void where self-reliance should be is filled instead by the declarations of these professionals.
When you know what is right and what is appropriate, and you're confident of that, it becomes easier to make decisions. If you never exercise those values or judgments, they stay weak and fuzzy. And that's why making decisions becomes overwhelming and you get that horrible feeling of being tossed in the waves of circumstance.
What you have to start doing is using those experts as tools. Make it your goal to glean what you need from each professional, then take some time to evaluate what they say, and, finally, make your own decisions based on what you believe is best. Practice this any opportunity you get. You'll find your self-confidence and sense of inner strength as an elder expert growing each time you do.
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2 comments:
This is an excellent site. Very informative. This type of information is urgently needed for all adult children who may find themselves in the position of caring for an elder. I urge anyone reading this information to do as suggested: become educated as to what is available in the area BEFORE there is a crisis. Asssisted Living is becoming more state-of-the-art as we know the Baby Boomers are right around the corner. These are definitely not "Rest Homes". They are vibrant, active, engaging communities where your loved one can thrive!
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